That’s The Way I Want To Go
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Two men from very different places in my life passed away in recent years. Both died almost instantaneously and without any forewarning. Both died in the presence of their peers.
One died in retirement. The other died while still working.
Loss of a Coworker
One morning I learned that an hour before I arrived at work, a colleague collapsed in his cubicle and an ambulance came to rush him to the hospital. By the time he made it to the emergency room, it was clear he would never be normal again due to severe brain damage. He remained on life support briefly to preserve his organs for donation. Our office was devastated.
A few weeks later, a casual remembrance was held in his honor. Those who spoke talked about the pleasure it was to work with him, and his heroic efforts to donate his organs. But no one knew him outside of work. The remembrance was only about his work life. None of the speakers talked about who he was at home, or what he was like as a younger man.
I interacted with him on a number of occasions. He seemed smart, professional and competent. But I didn’t know the man himself either, I only knew him as an employee of our organization.
I was most upset about when and where his life came to an end. He died a working man in his cubicle.
The Loss of a Family Friend
Another man I knew died in a similar fashion, but in a very different place. On a bright sunny day, partway through a round of golf, he collapsed on the golf course. This very likable guy was the heart of his golf group, always organizing rounds and counting pars and bogies to settle bets at the end of each 18 holes.
Friends in his foursome tried to revive him and an ambulance came very quickly, but his body did not respond.
As the urgency of the EMTs declined, the realization set in among his pals that he wasn’t going to make it. A good friend died that day on the golf tee of a beautiful course, on a lovely day, suddenly and with little suffering.
The group gathered around the back of the ambulance to watch their friend be carried off the course by the EMTs. They spoke of the enjoyable times they had, and of the good man that he was. Someone may have even made a lighthearted joke about his golf swing to help deal with the pain through humor.
Then after a pause of silence, one of the most senior hackers turned to another and said, “That’s the way I want to go”.
Frame a Realistic Vision of Retirement
Events like these two deaths have influenced my view of retirement. I didn’t have retired grandparents with perfectly grayed hair like we see in financial planning pamphlets, living happily in spacious homes in Florida or Arizona, playing shuffleboard and doing water aerobics.
I never saw real retirees aside from a few members at my childhood swim club. But then my Dad stopped working and my retirement goal came into view.
Sometimes those financial services pamphlets and Cialis-esque commercials that show extremely happy and financially secure couples make me a retirement cynic. Spouses die. People in their 60’s and 70’s haven’t saved enough and still work, or go bankrupt, or get divorced later in life, or have debilitating health issues.
Retirement is not about being a good looking gray-haired, tan, white shirt wearing, sexually active couple, sailing into the sunset drinking wine while flirtatiously reminiscing about the previous night’s foreplay in parallel outdoor free-standing claw-foot bathtubs.
Not for most of us. The desired retirement lifestyle for most people is about having enough income to simply continue the lives they already live, except to not have to work to support themselves, and to have more time to focus on whatever hobby, sport, family activity, or travel schedule makes them happy. That’s all we really want, isn’t it?
The Biggest Risk to Retirement
We all spend a lot of time thinking about risks to our retirement. What if we can’t afford healthcare? What if stocks fall or cut their dividends? What if my taxes increase? What if my kids aren’t independent enough to move out of the house? What if my elderly parents need continued support just when I want to retire? But those concerns are meaningless if we die.
Death is the biggest risk to retirement. Harsh but true. Lots of us seeking financial independence naturally pay close attention to our health because we realize that without it, retirement planning is futile. Our health is our biggest asset, not our house.
The two men mentioned above were not people I knew well. But the last moments of their lives have had a profound impact on the way I see my future.
The senior hacker who uttered his admiration of how his friend passed away had seen a lot of sorrow in his days. In his eighties, he experienced a lifetime of losses, certainly enough to formulate an opinion on how he wants to pass on to the next life.
As a dad with young kids, I haven’t lived nearly long enough to contemplate such a thought.
There is something admirable to the way the golfer went, on a nice day on the golf course with his buddies. Many years into his retirement.
My coworker surely had a plan to retire, and was probably getting close to his target date. I presume his death made the rest of my office mates step back and consider what they’re doing every day, and wonder if work is what it’s all about. Nobody wants to work up until the day it all ends, on Tuesday morning on the 5th floor of the office building.
The longer we’re alive, the more likely it is we’ll die. So the earlier we stop working full-time, the more time we’ll have to enjoy doing exactly what we want to do in retirement. That’s something I try to keep in mind every day.
Craig is a former IT professional who left his 20-year career to be a full-time finance writer. A DIY investor since 1995, he started Retire Before Dad in 2013 as a creative outlet to share his investment portfolios. Craig studied Finance at Michigan State University and lives in Northern Virginia with his wife and three children. Read more HERE.
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I was really struck by this happening in the office and cubicle. Of all the ways to go. It hit me differently than say a family member since we weren’t close.
Thanks for commenting and sharing. This office death was an influence on my retirement plan, more so than a family member for me. Had it happened out of the office it probably would have affected me differently. Something about being in his cubicle really was an eye opener. Put us all on the same level. Motivation of sorts to work harder.
Sorry to hear of the deaths there. Sadly, death is part of life.
I’m personally planning for an average life or worse. I don’t mean to be morbid, but even if I only live until 60 – far below average – I would have still had 20 YEARS of freedom before I go. That’s a lot more than what most people get, working into their 60s and 70s, trying to make ends meet.
The key is to have perspective. I won’t always be young and able-bodied. So I’m pushing my snowball down hill aggressively while I have my strength. I won’t have the same wits or physical strength when I’m older, and I won’t likely want to put in the work anyhow.
Great article. Couldn’t agree more. I personally want to go like your golfer friend. Surrounded by people I care about, having a good time. Death is an eventuality, but it couldn’t arrive in a better fashion.
Thanks for your comments. I definitely hear you there. It was a kick in the rear for me to get aggressive with saving. This was a bit of a dark post, but it’s better to use negative events as motivation than to simply move on from them.
A big part of my wanting to travel in retirement early on is because I may not have my health when I get older. Can’t go hiking in exotic locations if your knees aren’t still healthy, or your heart can’t handle it. The older we get, the more our ailments will inhibit our ability to live the life we want. Statistically speaking.
Just 20 years of freedom? You can aim higher than that!
Unfortunately we are all going to die… Which is why we need to make every second on this earth count
I had a co-worker who died at age of 27.. Very suddenly, after a surgery that supposedly had a 98% success rate. He had never been sick in his life, and was much more active than I ever was.
He was working very hard, getting promotions, spending 70 hours at the office or on remote locations, only seeing his wife for 1 – 2 days/week, all in order to advance his career and make the big bucks in 10 years. Unfortunately, sometimes even the best laid plans can be derailed by life.. Which is why it is important to plan ahead, but also to enjoy life today..
Dividend Growth Investor
Sorry for your loss RBD,
This is a very good article and I think it’s a great reminder as to why we all want to gain FI as fast as possible. This has opened up my eyes a bit wider to what matters most in life. One of my flaws is I need to learn how to deal with stress a little better and be happier. Life’s too short. Keep your head up and thanks for sharing.
Great post. Having a co-worker pass in that way would be very jarring. I contemplate the end of life (probably more often than I should) and the limited time that we are in this world is a significant driver in my plan for financial freedom. I want to enjoy living my life without the constraints of work long before my body is too old to do what I like.