WASHINGTON, DC. – One area family’s future college costs rose dramatically last week, skyrocketing by a whopping 50% in a single day. Sources say that the arrival of a beautiful baby girl was the catalyst.
A neighbor, who asked to remain anonymous, told this publication, “When I saw the RBD family pull into their driveway and remove the car seat and its precious cargo, my stomach dropped at the thought of another $200,000 going to some university for an anthropology degree. But she’s darling.”
Upon arrival, the grandparents beamed with pride as they welcomed the perfect little girl with pink balloons and eager arms. The grandfather smiled at the thought of his son following in his footsteps, investing an outrageous amount of money into education that he himself would never see a return on.
“My son says college education is the best money I ever spent? Sure, for him it was,” he noted.
Hospital officials confirmed that the child’s father was showing signs of anxiety, likely due to the impending mountain of savings required for another college education in 18 years, potentially derailing his early retirement plans.
Molly Williams, a lactation consultant, also reported strange behavior by the dad.
“Every morning he’d wander around the wing asking the staff if he could borrow a computer and use our spreadsheet programs. We don’t use spreadsheets in maternity,” said Williams who added, “He wasn’t sleeping much.”
“Our kids are angels, and the best things to ever happen to us,” the parents said jointly outside of their home.
The editorial staff reached out to the child for a statement. We expect to get a smart-ass response in about 13 years.